7/21/15

“We want all the single ladies to come to the floor.”

 

Those dreaded words that every girl hates to hear. Out of obligation or duty to the bride, you move that direction, but in your heart, you wish you weren’t in this group. What’s worse–every other available girl is younger than you by at least several years. You are “old”, unmarried, and have no prospects.

Weddings tend to reiterate a hard dose of reality many singles experience. In a prospect driven society, with commercials for Christian Mingle, Farmers Only, and E-harmony on repeat, it’s amazing how alone we can feel. Although there are avenues to find “the one”, when friends suggest searching for someone online, it only makes us feel desperate and unlovable.

Then, the questions run through your mind. Why can’t God bring someone into my life here and now? Maybe I should follow their advice. Maybe this is God’s plan. Maybe I’m just not meant to be married. Maybe I’m not pretty enough for a guy to notice me…

Or maybe worse of all, is when your well-intended friends and family hardly know a guy but think he’s perfect for you. They try to persuade you to “make this happen”. You feel their desperation, and it sets in that maybe you should be desperate too. Maybe you should settle even though in your heart you know he’s not “the guy”. Or perhaps, all too often, you do like him, he may be the right guy, but you want him to take some initiative. You wait and nothing happens. Disappointment sets in, but you try to save face and keep pressing on.

For many single women, they desire marriage. They desire love and commitment, but it has to be with the right guy. You’re like a needle in a loft full of hay, and he is the only guy searching. He is always distant, and you are always ever patiently biding time.

People tell you to pray for him. This is hard. He exists. I can pray for him, but for some reason, I haven’t met him. 

May I encourage you. I have experienced all these frustrations. The anxiety of being single is not simply a girl thing. Guys want to meet the right girl too. After watching both a younger and an older sister get married, as well as many beloved friends, I was frustrated and disappointed. I tried to follow godly advice.

I invested in my church and got involved serving others. I tried to pray for my “invisible” husband, even though sometimes, I had no idea what to pray for or how. And in desperation, I asked God to fill this void in His perfect timing or to take this desire from my heart. That was a hard prayer.

Probably about a year later, I was introduced to Nelson. I learned in my singleness that sometimes you have to step out on a limb. It is frustrating to have others constantly suggesting compatible guys, but at the same time, it is important to listen to your godly relationships. These well-intended people also have contacts you may never know.

That’s how I met Nelson. He had stayed in touch with his former middle school teacher, who happened to be my uncle. Nelson lived 12 hours away. We wouldn’t have met without that connection, and after years of wondering, I had answers to God’s plan to wait.

Nelson quite possibly could have met me years before. He was invited to a family Christmas, and he worked at a location I had often frequented when visiting. God could have allowed us to meet then, so why didn’t He? If we had, we probably wouldn’t have dated. We probably wouldn’t have talked much beyond a brief introduction. At that point, we weren’t at all the people we are today. God knew we both needed to grow. He knew we both needed to wait, and He had perfect timing. Trust Him when it’s hard.

Ultimately, I found out that God used my prayers. It is difficult to pray for your husband, especially when you have no picture or words to tell you anything about him; however, God is not bound by time. He knows the man you’ll marry. Someday, you’ll want to be in the habit of praying for him, so it’s a great time to start!

Finally, in the waiting, don’t feel pressured. You have desirable characteristics that the right guy will cherish. Don’t settle for someone that doesn’t place God first. Don’t settle for someone that has questionable standards. Don’t settle for someone that doesn’t love you with God’s heart. Marriage is a serious commitment. It can’t be reversed. The wrong guy will make you miserable. Wait for the right one, knowing that he won’t be perfect, because Jesus is the ultimate companion. Find your satisfaction in your relationship with Him, so that you’ll be a better spouse someday.