Several weeks ago, my parents came to help us pack and move. My mom graciously offered to drive my car. Now, I usually listen to the radio or enjoy the silence while I’m driving, so it had been quite some time since I’d listened to the CD that happened to still be in.
My mom must have accidentally hit the media button on my steering wheel, because she thought it was very odd she was suddenly hearing Christmas music. She even tried to switch the station, but everything that played had that same “cold, winter night” ambiance. It didn’t take her long to realize what had happened.
Marriage can sometimes be like that. We sometimes put our spouse’s mistakes on repeat, and that’s where the trouble begins.
“It is easiest to be married when you have come to find all the other person’s imperfections and can leverage them to your advantage.”
Doesn’t sound much like love or marriage, does it? We would never say such a thing. We don’t even dare to think it, but deep down we sometimes hold to this philosophy.
We will hover our spouse’s imperfections and mistakes in our mind, just to repeat them when it is convenient. There are several dangers to this habit:
1.) It fails to give the other person the chance to outgrow or fix their mistakes.
2.) It encourages us to become bitter.
3.) It keeps us from forgiving.
Those moments when we leverage our spouse’s failures may result in a brief victory for us, but ultimately it leads us to a dissatisfying loss of intimacy and friendship. Slowly, the trust will disappear from our marriage, and we will be left to pick up what is left of a ruined relationship.
Keeping record of the mistakes our spouse makes is like playing Christmas music in June. It’s irrational and tiring for you both after a while. So, give yourself a break and give your spouse the chance to fix his mistakes!