In time, I settled with singleness. If it was God’s will for me in that moment, then I would choose to be content. Yet there remained a feeling of wistfulness. I was content where God had me, but I still desired to be married.
In these moments, I spoke with my mom. She gave me a hard prayer. The type that you don’t want to pray, yet out of desperation you reiterate to God anyways. She told me to ask Him to fill my heart’s desire to marry or to completely take it away. I prayed this prayer through tears sometimes at night.
My mom knew two promises from scripture that I held during this time with all my heart.
Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.
This promise from scripture continues to stand today. It was my prayer that God would fill my heart’s desires. While I prayed this, I began to truly focus my energy on serving and representing God. I worshiped Him at church with my whole heart. I volunteered to serve, and I guarded my testimony with the same defensive heart that I hoped to someday guard my husband with.
Philippians 4:19 And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.
I know God supplied for my needs during this time. In many ways, life was much easier than it would be after marriage. The time I had to focus on God continues to help me re-prioritize today. It reminds me that He is central to my marriage; therefore, time with Him is still the most important priority. He was and continues to be my first love. Marriage is a great reminder of my relationship with my Savior. This relationship between an imperfect husband and wife doesn’t work without God. So when you’re in the quiet, waiting moments of singleness, re-prioritizing life to place God first is crucial, and if you happen to marry later on, you’ll be thankful for your single years and the heart God gave you for Him in that time.
4 thoughts on “The Hardest Prayer”
I love your take on the psalm! Thank you!
Thank you for stopping by and reading!
No worries, I’ll probably be dropping by regularly 🙂
I added you to my reading list. I’ll look forward to your posts.